“What is self-love, really?”
For most of us, the idea of loving ourselves can feel very nebulous or abstract.
You might have been reading personal development books, taking courses, and staying on this journey of growth for a while. You might have also experienced this quiet knowing inside that a lot of the things that aren’t presently working in your life the way you wish they would, have something to do with not loving yourself to the extent that you could.
So it’s likely these questions have crossed your mind:
“Well, how do I actually love myself?”
“How do I know I really love myself?”
“What does life feel like when you actually love yourself? What changes? How do I change?”
I remember asking the very same questions and feeling like I couldn’t quite grasp the concept just a few years ago. No wonder!
The reason why defining self-love and then following an easy “step-by-step-guide” is difficult , is because –
genuinely loving ourselves, with a heart brimming with openness and expansiveness, is our natural state of being. It is our natural energy vibration.
A state of being is about how we feel inside without our mind being involved. From that space, positive actions and positive outcomes that reflect our state flow out of ourselves naturally. We were born feeling this way.
But growing up, we experienced situations which at first, made us question whether we deserved to be loved. We started questioning whether we deserved the love we felt within ourselves and for ourselves, without being aware of it.
A caretaker might have left us in front of the screen instead of spending time being present with us and modeled what self-neglect looks like in their own life. Our parents might have divorced and one of the two might have never kept touch with us from that point onward. We might have had love being withdrawn from us because “we did something wrong”. We might have been exposed to our boundaries being crossed through physical or emotional abuse.
In these small moments, over time, what we knew in the beginning to be true about ourselves started waning.
At first, we questioned. And in time, we created a belief that quietly, underneath our conscious mind, kept whispering: “I am not lovable, worthy or deserving of love”. Therefore, our connection to that state was severed.
And with that, we began taking action and changing our behaviour in such a way that supported that belief. Then, the results of our actions and self-treatment only reinforced the space we were in.
It began with the little things we did every day and spiraled into “louder” life circumstances, such as a string of demeaning boyfriends, burnout, a physical condition, or always ending up doing more than the other team-mates at work.
We went from embodying, living, naturally practicing self-love, to embodying, living and unconsciously practicing the opposite.
Going back and bringing healing into those small moments that formed your (simply false, no matter how different you might feel it is for you) belief, creates this wonderful, clear space for your self-love to emerge naturally, once more.
But there’s another way you can reconnect with that state (one that we simply dismiss as too simple, and one you can do as soon as you finish reading this).
That is, the sacred practice of self-care.
The way I look at the concepts of self-love, self-care, and self-worth, is the three forming a sacred triad of our soul’s highest energetic vibration. Each element harmoniously blends into the other and thus influences the next. They can’t really exist in separation from one another. Strengthening one results in affirming the other two.
When we love ourselves, we take care of ourselves.
When we take care of ourselves we affirm we are worthy of good.
When we affirm we are worthy of good, we love ourselves.
Self-care is the foundation of our lives. It is sacred. Flourishing abundantly requires that you plant your roots firmly into fertile soil.
We all have a deeper knowing of how influential it is even if we’ve forgotten it.
Sacred self-care is simply the honoring of every aspect of yourself: witnessing and validating it, then ensuring its well-being. It is affirming the life, the existence, of every single part of yourself.
In other words, it’s raising your awareness around:
- how you feel emotionally
- how you feel mentally
- how you feel in your body
- how you feel in your connection to your heart and soul
- how you willing you are to engage in those behaviours and activities that support your well-being (like going to bed early after a tiring day at work instead of staying up late, or having a handcream in your purse and taking 3 minutes to massage your hands and rest in the middle of typing for hours at the computer).
And then doing what you’re called for, moment by moment, to honor the messages you get. It can be that quick and easy if you do it intentionally and from a space of conscious self-nourishment.
Here are four simple, yet powerful ways in which you can implement self-care into your day:
# 1: Be willing to see self-care as a sacred practice of honoring yourself as a goddess, knowing it’s reconnecting you with your divine worth, feminine energy and natural state of self-love. Be willing to look at it as nourishing yourself from the inside out.
# 2: Set a clear intention to raise your awareness around how you feel. We can live such busy, rushed, lives, up in our minds all the time, that we never pause to ask ourselves: “How am I feeling right now?” Ask yourself this question in a compassionate, loving way throughout the day until your awareness rises and you create a habit.
# 3: Once aware, ask yourself: “How can I honor myself at this moment? What do I need? What can I do for myself right now? How can I be good and loving to myself?”
# 4: Act on what you’re feeling called to do. Refrain from brushing it off or rationalizing it away. Give yourself that morning ritual, a break from work, space to be alone and feel your feelings, those 10 minutes on the yoga mat, a relaxing bath, or those flowers on your desk.
This isn’t really about what you choose to do for yourself, but the powerful internal feeling you connect with.
It’s the gentle, soothing, loving space you are cultivating inside and redirecting it towards yourself.
Know that it’s only normal that you’ll run into some resistance. You’re running against likely years of ingrained behavior and beliefs.
Yet also know that you are creating new neuropathways in your brain and gaining energetic momentum to attract the positive things you desire in your life.
I’d love to hear where you are in your relationship to self-care and what you feel is stopping you from taking care of yourself the way you wish you would.
Let me know in the comments below!
With all my love & support in your feeling radiant & well taken care of,
Adelina