If you’re anything like me, and if you’re in the Northern hemisphere, by now you’re probably feeling this sense of more life being breathed into your days with the sun shining brighter and the vibrant colours of the blooming trees gloriously greeting you when stepping outside your home.

In spring, the energy of the planet is shifting into emergence, expansiveness, openness and visibility, and that can bring about subtle changes in the way we approach our routines, our relationships, our work and the way we tackle the challenges we face – even if we may not realize it.

One thing that’s been standing out for me this year after a long winter of going inward and reflecting, has been –

coming out in the open with my deepest vulnerabilities, my most tender needs, and my most authentic desires in my closest relationships, at a different level.

I’m sure you know that doing this is rarely easy and it’s never a neat package with a ribbon on top. In fact, it can be petrifying.

The act of coming out in the open in our relationships with what’s really happening in our inner worlds is one of flow and movement – it’s pure water. It’s meant to shift until it settles into a new shape. Sometimes it gets out of hand, it spills, it’s unpredictable and it gets into nooks and corners you never thought existed.

And yet, from this temporary mess, new life emerges.

You can find an old part of yourself that got lost along the way perhaps in the shape of a need that’s been crying out for being validated.

You may find that perhaps what you said or went along with was not what you genuinely felt inside.

Or you may become reacquainted with a soul desire you’ve always had but never had the courage to admit to yourself or share it with the other person.

We grew up with the belief that “keeping the peace” and “not rocking the boat” was the way to sustain connection with the people we cared about the most and we were most intimate with.

We were encouraged to stay silent about how we really feel out of sheer fear.

To agree when we actually disagreed inside.
To say everything was fine when it wasn’t.
To pretend it’s ok when we were hurt or our boundaries got crossed.
Or to never share what we really wanted, what we yearned for, out of fear of what would happen if we really brought our wishes out into the light in front of another.

It is fear that keeps us silent and hidden in our relationships and the very thing that prevents us from creating authentic, deep connection.

Fear that if we come out and share a need, we won’t be worthy of having that need in the first place.
Fear that if we share what we really desire, we will be disappointed or it will never actually happen.
Fear that if we say we aren’t willing to accept certain behaviour, we will be rejected, the other person will walk out, or that we will be abandoned.
For a lot of us, these emotional issues are often too intense and can block us even when having done the work of self-inquiry and know what the right step towards more authenticity is.

That’s when it can be very helpful and necessary to focus on bringing in healing first. I help my clients shift this response with the help of Emotional Freedom Techniques, “EFT Tapping”. 

In keeping the silence, two detrimental things take place often without our even realizing it:

Not staying true to how we feel is actually creating the very opposite of that heart and soul closeness and connection we want.

It’s creating a big, wide curtain that engulfs and hides the potential of the real connection we can find. We essentially engage in a form of lying to ourselves and the other person.

And we engage in an act of self-betrayal and self-abandonment, denying our connection to our Deeper Self (that older, wiser, timeless part of ourselves) which is the fountain of our life force, health and well-being.

And then, we give our bodies no choice but to take on the task of signaling to us that something isn’t right (by showing signs of physical discomfort and over time, dis-ease).

Imagine yourself and your body in this sacred agreement to creating a life that’s most aligned with your values and joy. Your body has its own communication language that in time gets louder and louder.
Without authenticity, we can feel unhappy or depressed for no apparent reason, we can feel irritated and nothing can seem to ease the feeling.

I consider not having been true to myself in my relationships in the past to be one of my biggest lessons and regrets in life (that’s taken up precious yet necessary time to make peace with). I kept pushing down that small guiding inner voice, thinking that in time, things will work themselves out if I forgot about them. This, unfortunately, is an avoidance strategy that rarely ever works as I later found out.

The brilliant news is that when you make the decision and really commit to living your life from this space of honouring what you feel deep down you:

• want & yearn for;
• is right for you;
• need;
• most value within your relationship.

You embark on a cruise called “loving yourself and taking really good care of yourself and your body”. All the while increasing your capacity for valuing and honouring that person in your life (and everybody else for that matter) in an entirely new way – because it comes from having integrated that for yourself.

You begin to emerge and vibrate at the most radiant energy that’s uniquely yours.
You bloom.
And in this alignment with your true self, you have created a space of energetic “invitation” to connect with that part in your partner that is most aligned, authentic and loving. That is the essence of deep, heart and soul-felt connection.

So my invitation to you is to make it ok to feel uncomfortable or even scared to share your needs, your desires and feelings in your relationship to your man or your best friends (and when the fear and discomfort is stronger than the voice of your truth, I would really encourage you to commit to healing work).

Vulnerability requires courage. But know that with every single act of standing in your truth, you are strengthening and affirming the power of who you Truly are and opening the door for authentic love to come into your life.

With love & support for you and your blossoming connection,
Adelina